Valley Girls
Normally, at The Casting Studios, I’m known as The Lobby Nazi. I’m all business all the time. And I certainly don’t have time to hear your life story. I am definitely 100% uninterested in why you’re late or where you left your headshot or how your agent gave you info yesterday conflicting with what I’m telling you right now.
Likewise, it doesn’t make me feel special to be included in whether or not you should change your shirt or wear your hair up or whatever. What most dumb actors don’t understand is that every audition is a freaking job interview. Come prepared. Come on time. Do not bring your screaming children with you and ask me to babysit them while you’re being put on tape inside the interview room. And for God’s sake, don’t plop your shit down ON MY DESK as if you own every horizontal space on the planet.
For those of you not living in L.A. and not involved in any aspect of the Entertainment Business, let me explain some of the annoyances of my daily existence. I’m sure you’ve all had your picture taken once or twice in your lives, right?! Well, as much as I know how difficult it is for some people to walk and chew gum at the same time, how hard can it be to pose for a picture with something in your hands?
Most actors can hold their own freaking headshot while they’re getting their picture taken. But there are some who insist on plopping it on MY DESK WITHOUT ASKING along with their purse, sunglasses, keys, folders, and what have you. Now some of you sympathetic souls might think, “Yeah, well, maybe they think the stuff in their hands will show up in the photo. Maybe that’s why they put it down.” Now to that, my response is a.) there is tons of floorspace around them that they can put their shit on; and b.) when someone has a polaroid camera literally 5 inches from your face, what makes you think the shit in your hands is actually going to make it into the photo??!
I could go on and on in detail ad nauseum but I’ll spare you - today. But only because I’m in such a good mood. I reserve the right to come back and post another blog (or 100) about my annoyance with actors/model/pedestrians… I mean, after all, that’s what this whole blog is about, right?! Right.
Moving on…
So Jacob and I are working on a really funny commercial campaign right now. It’s all about what an extraordinary amount of minutes a certain cell phone provider offers right now. So in order to illustrate the point, the spot focuses on people who talk and talk and talk and talk… One spot stars a motor-mouthed real estate agent, another a slimy Hollywood talent agent, and my favorite - a valley girl cheerleading teenager type à la “Clueless.” Alicia Silverstone, watch out.
So we spend our entire afternoons watching 13-20 year olds playing 16 year old snobby spoiled-brat valley girl cheerleaders and just sit there laughing so hard I cry. Everyone is looking at me like I’m crazy. Not because I’m laughing so hard tears are spilling but because I’m actually being nice to the actors. “Excuse me?! Hello?! Are you like here to audition and stuff because that skirt is like totally Paris Hilton and I really think you look the part. Do you like have your headshot and stuff and are you ready to audition. Ohmigod like okay, let’s go!” Jacob is a little freaked out by me right now.
And then, we walk around like talking like them and like it is totally so much fun! So I’m all, “Jacob, like I’m totally having a fabulous day! I’m wearing this new necklace. Isn’t it like, totally fetch?!” And Jacob is all, “Whatever. I’m like totally not into that right now. I wanna know where that guy in like the green pants jetted off to and stuff.”
And I’m like What-ever! And he’s all WHAT-ever! And I’m like what-EVER! And he’s all what-ever! And I’m like…
