Parking Tips
The quarter-annual sample sale thrown by Billion Dollar Babes started today. I met my friend, Michelle, at the Hollywood Palladium to scope out the best deals. When I was driving around looking for parking at the worst time possible in LA (4-7pm they tow on major streets because they open up the far right lane for rush hour traffic) I got lucky enough to spot a LADOT Traffic Officer.
You’re probably wondering why I’d consider it lucky to spot a meter maid. Well, for starters, he was parked in the spot in front of the Porsche he was ticketing. I figured as soon as he was done writing the ticket, I could get his spot. Sweet!
Secondly, I saw this as an opportunity to get the 4.1.1. on parking regulations.
As I sat patiently in my car behind the Porsche with my engine running and my turn signal on, the meter maid guy noticed my presence. He came over to me and asked if he could help me. I said, “No, sir. I just thought I’d take your parking spot when you were done.” He told me it’d be a minute.
After a few minutes of him calling in the ticket he’d just written to his headquarters, he came back up to me and said, “You know what Ma’am? If you take that spot just over there, you can park for free.”
“Why? Is the meter broken?”
“Yes,” he said, and I swear to God that he winked at me. I was starting to wonder if this big, old black man was getting fresh with me. But then I remembered back to the days where somehow I acquired a winking habit and once I started winking, I couldn’t stop.
I would be in line at Starbucks and when I’d throw my change into the tip jar after paying, the cashier would thank me and I’d wink. I’d be at work and someone would say hello to me while passing me in the hall and I’d wink at them. I’d be at the gynecologist and he’d ask if I’ve been experiencing any irregularities and I’d wink at him. You get the picture.
When I’d parked and locked my car in my newly-found toll-free spot behind the Palladium, I went back over to the meter maid guy and quizzed him on his LA parking regulations knowledge.
“When you see a loading zone with a white or yellow curb, is it okay to park there after a certain hour? When are you allowed to double park? How far do you have to park from a fire hydrant?”
I’ll have to admit that I learned a lot about parking today and I am here to pass this wealth of information along to all of you…
1. It is never legal to double park, ever. It doesn’t matter what time of day it is, what street you are on, if you have your flashers on, if you own a gun or how fancy your car is. It is always a traffic violation and if you are caught, you will be cited. If you are caught and you are still in your car, you will be asked to move. If you refuse, you will be cited.
2. You must park at least 15 feet away from a fire hydrant. Not all curbs at fire hydrants are painted red, so you cannot let that be your guide. If you are caught by a meter maid, you will be cited. If you are caught by the LAFD, they will break your windows and fill up your car with water.
3. You cannot park any further than 18 inches from the curb. (I already knew this but wanted to verify the distance.)
4. You are not allowed to park at a white curb loading zone at any time. If caught, you will be cited.
5. Yellow loading zones are loading zones purchased by businesses next to the aforementioned parking space. Therefore, since the LADOT is paid to paint and maintain those curbs, they are theoretically patrolled more frequently than other areas. The parking spots alongside a yellow curb are loading zones only during the operating hours of the particular business which purchased it, or between the hours of 7am and 6pm. Outside of those hours, it is permissible to park there.
You’re welcome.
