Oh Malibu
I love the days I have to go to work in Malibu (which since New Year’s has been 2 or 3 days a week.) I drive up the 101 for an hour listening to Kevin & Bean on KROQ and stop at a lovely Starbucks in Calabasas where skater/surfer boys, barely old enough to drive but smart enough to flirt, serve me my Venti Vanilla Non-Fat Latté with shit-eating grins. (I hope they aren’t spitting in my coffee or anything. I hope the grins are due to elicit thoughts or anything else which is less invasive to my health than pierced-lip phlegm.) When working in Malibu, I sit in a small office with great mountain views and often get little visits from rabbits in the yard outside. We lunch on the terrace in the sunshine and life is good. I sometimes get to go down to the oceanside cafés and pick up lunch if it isn’t already brought to me and I always get a striking view of the water on my windy way down the mountain.
The only downside to working in Malibu is that sometimes the traffic on my drive home is so hellacious that it takes me 2 hours from door to door. Ugh. But today, it only took an hour! This is cause for REAL celebration, as you Angelenos know. In fact, I think I’m going to go pour me a nice glass of Shiraz right now…
Another great thing about working in Malibu is that the office hours I have to keep are 10am-4pm!! I am not joking! So I get home (usually) waaaayyyy before I normally finish working elsewhere. Alas, I think this Thursday will be my last day there for quite awhile, so I’ll definitely have to enjoy it.
So, today I got home at 5pm and I didn’t quite know what to do with myself. I thought, “Kathleen, you should do your laundry.” So I washed a load of jeans and a load of sheets and read a few magazine articles while waiting.
February’s Vanity Fair with Lindsay Lohan on the cover touts her mature acting skills and drops the hugest bomb shell - “…I’m in a place where I can really make an impact on people and really help girls that are, you know, people with anorexia, people that aren’t in good relationships… I can change that a little bit.” Okay, FIRST OF ALL what would you know about anorexia? Waaaiiitt… REALLY? You have an eating disorder and a fucked-up life? What?! Shocking. SECONDLY, how in the hell can you help girls/change that a little bit?! Are you announcing your plans to stop shopping like a Trump wife, and wrecking expensive cars on Robertson Blvd., in order to give it all up for the life of a social worker slash philanthropist?!
January’s Allure with Gwyneth on the cover has an article on how all the A list girls are getting so skinny. Clenbuterol, people. It’s a veterinary drug that can possibly kill you (and worse, make you even fatter in the long run.) Ooooooh, magazines.
By the time I was done with the Victoria’s Secret catalogues and everything else, my clothes were in a wrinkled heap on the dryer. I hate public laundry rooms!! Don’t touch my clothes, you crazy neighbors of mine! I know one of you sicko Armenians were fondling my 500 thread count sheets with your Turkish Coffee fingers. BACK OFF.
So as my laundry plans were so obviously thwarted (I usually do 8 loads at a time for those of you who were previously uninformed,) with only 2 loads down, I clomped back upstairs and put the clothes (or at least some of them) away before I was distracted by a lovely Sudoku book on my bedside table. I dove right in and within minutes was feeling very, very sleepy. I was about to get under the covers and go to bed when I snapped myself out of this dangerous dream-state and yelled, “Kathleen, it’s only 7pm. You cannot WILL NOT go to bed now.”
Therefore, you now find me sitting here writing an inane, very long-winded blog which is neither humorous nor interesting and for that, I apologize. But honestly, the only other “productive” things that could possibly keep me awake at this point are either tackling the mountains of debris in my apartment in this aftermath of Hurricane Kathleen, paying bills and balancing my check book, writing thank-you’s, or shaving my Amazonian legs - and I find none of these prospects very appealing at the moment. So off I go to watch blah TV with my Shiraz.
